We're #1

Read what Mia McLeod has to say about South Carolina being #1 in domestic violence.  Maybe raising the amount of the bond needed to be posted would help, but people that are crazy violent have been known to wait around a few days to take out their rage.

I was a visiting therapist at a shelter for battered women on Long Island back in the 90's, where three women in the month of December one year were killed by men to whom had been served an order of protection.  Interestingly, or obscenely, it was the same judge, and he had ordered the women to serve the petition themselves rather than have the court pay for a server.

While at the shelter, I saw what happens when a woman without family and financial resources makes the courageous decision to leave an abusive partner.  Even with social services and medicaid the resources are pathetic.  After the short stay they not only have to deal with housing, but also with transportation.  Often with children, there is inadequate care available, and finding a job while juggling temporary and/or unaffordable housing and transportation is one step too far in this nightmare.

More often than not, when abusers come calling with apologies and promises, the women go home to whatever security they have there.

Society's biases are really what this is all about.  Here in South Carolina where the mass killing of children in Newtown last December resulted in a season of gun bills designed to protect the rights of gun owners, we pretty much know where the loyalties lie.  Hard to believe but the philosophy is that women that get beat must be doing something to deserve it.  Oh, and if she doesn't like it why doesn't she leave.  And if she leaves and he comes after her, well, that's her own fault too.

Add to that an education system that struggles to provide "minimally adequate" schools, the constant stress of being working poor -- and in this economy, the stress of being working middle class.  We have a governor who won't take federal money to assure Medicaid for the poor, and who would like to prevent those on food stamps from buying sweets.

And then our legislature gerrymandered districts so that the status quo is guaranteed.

There's two levels here.

The first is stepping in those shoes and living that life.  Knowing what it is like to be a woman afraid, and unable to do enough to keep herself and her children safe.

The second is a society that approves and rewards power and punishes weakness.

Strong laws that communicate disapproval of violence against women and children need to happen before the violence will be lessened.

And while that happens, allowing people to have a life with the security of home, health, a living wage, and for their children a good education with promise for the future, will perpetuate the value that violence is unacceptable.

Mia McLeod is a strong voice to that end, but she needs a lot more voices to call out for change with her.