Across the Aisle

I heard that State Senator Vincent Sheheen made an appearance at SC Pride yesterday.  Not surprisingly it has not been widely reported, especially by the Sheheen camp.  Sheheen made news earlier this month by reaching across the aisle to Governor Haley in his support of the ban on gay marriage.  The public outcry apparently stunned Sheheen, who wants more than anything to be governor, to the point of making the appearance at the Gay Pride event.

The problem with Senator Sheheen as I see it is that his values lie on the other side of the aisle, but his political affiliation is with us Democrats.

While Sheheen unabashedly seeks support from women's groups, unions, and gay rights groups, he wants to do it without making it too public, and without having to compromise his lack of support for same.

Pardon me but my rage is showing.

It would be a simple matter even for a proud Catholic like Sheheen to support women's reproductive privacy and freedom.  Even Pope Francis, who has to deal with the ultra-conservative archbishops who elected him, has figured out a work-around to the Church's obsession with contraception and abortion.

With Pope Francis, his own Church's leader, as the model, now is the time for Senator Sheheen to take a stand that sets him apart from the rabid Christian republicans, like Senator Lee Bright, who would bring back the Inquisition (for women only) which looks a bit like his fantasy of Sharia Law.

In other words, women's reproductive choices should be as private as are those of men.  They should be as fully covered as those of men (When was the last time you heard an argument that vasectomies should not be covered by our state health plan?).  Women's health care -- the promotion of discriminatory practices against women -- has no place in the legislature.

Abortion and contraception are private matters, to be addressed by the woman, her doctor, her family, her church, and not by government.  God did not appoint lawmakers to make God's rules.  In fact, there's that whole "render unto Caesar" idea that pretty much means the state should stay out of God's business, and God will do the same for the state.

Meanwhile, the state's business is to see that those who choose to have children are not made to suffer needlessly.  In other words, health care, education, a living wage, those are the issues that need to be addressed by government, not what goes on in the doctor's office, or in one's church.

We need to suggest this to Senator Sheheen, to insist in fact that he listen to us -- and to the Pope -- and stop obsessing about women's reproductive parts.  We need to let him know, on Facebook, on Twitter, by email and in person, that church and government, his religion and his role as a public servant, are separate entities.  We need to call and write to the media.  We need to light up this issue, while there is a chance that a Democratic candidate might listen.

Expert Opinion

These days, when the men in Congress invite the men in the Church to testify on how better they can help women see the light, some of us are starting to notice.  Some of us are beginning to remember, as though awakening from a deep slumber, that it wasn't always like this.  But before it wasn't like this, it was.

What I mean is that many of us grew up in a Mad Men world, where being thin and pretty were requirements not only for being a stewardess but for answering phones in an office.  In that world, we kept things tidy and never made a fuss.  We were mostly homemakers, and when we made ripples, folks, we were unceremoniously squashed.

I remember as a psychology student learning about the high rates of women in psychiatric hospitals diagnosed with depression, and the new miracle drugs, like Valium, that would get them back on the track to being happy.  Because without a happy wife, how could the husband go out and conquer the world?

Fortunately, that was my mother's generation, and in the fifties there was enough social security -- the kind you get from having a roof over your head with an affordable mortgage and knowing you were going to college -- to have the guts to begin to question your world.

Who were men to tell us what made us happy?  Or that our job was to keep them happy?  We knew we were smart and starting to realize we were as smart (maybe smarter) than the boys that were going to college and getting better jobs than us.

We made waves.  And it felt good.  And for awhile, the men in charge listened.  And then more women were in charge.

But not enough.

The men were persistent; they know war.  We women knew how to work hard, and we also knew guilt.  We tried to do it all, and that left us vulnerable, too busy doing it all and trying to get it right to fight battles we thought we had already won.

Men let women be midwives when it wasn't worth their time, but when it became a career they began to fight to take it away from us.

They let us be managers as long as our lower wages could make their profits greater.  And as long as women were taking care of the children, they weren't as likely to rise too high, or rise up to fight.

And as long as we were the ones that had babies, we were still going to be under their thumbs.

This is why so much energy is being focused on women's reproductive freedom.  In a Congress that daily fights to deny women food stamps and health care the issue is certainly not the value of life.  It is, however, about power and money.

Good education can give a girl hope for a good future.  Access to contraception can free a young adult from worry, and allow her to control her present and her future.  Availability of safe abortions mean security for women and their families.

The crazies of the religious right are merely pawns of the power brokers.  They are used daily in front of the offices of abortion providers, and they are used at the polls on election day.  Groups with warm and fuzzy names like the Family Research Council are about as anti-family as you can get; they scorn poor women for having too many babies at the same time as they cut off her education and access to birth control.

But our "representatives" in Congress look to these anti-life groups as "experts" when they are looking to force their way on women.  And while the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops may be momentarily busy tap-dancing around the actual Christian values of their new Pope, they will still make time to restate their control over women.

Let's start questioning -- loudly -- the "expert opinions" that have nothing to do with science, nothing to do with life, and nothing to do with women.  When you see a group convene, whether it be the state legislature or a hospital board or the Heritage Foundation, count heads and note how many women there are.  And then make sure to note how many women are testifying about women's issues.

Coming Out from the Shadows

In an amazing wedding announcement in the New York Times, the couple describes their decision when they had just begun dating to have an abortion, because the time and circumstances were not right.  They went on to have a son and are now celebrating their marriage.

This is such an important news story, because it is about women coming out from the shadows.  It is about refusing to accept blame and hatred for a responsible decision.  It is about letting others see just who we are.

When African-Americans risked their lives to desegregate schools and businesses, they were able to debunk all the nasty myths that had existed because they had been forced to live hidden away.

When gay and lesbian men and women took the courageous step of coming out, and then began to celebrate their existence, those who had denigrated their sexual identity were forced to recognize that these people are in fact their friends, family, co-workers, neighbors.

And as women come forward and tell their stories, and make their abortion decision just another page in their lives, those who have demonized us will no longer have power over us.

Because those who have chosen to terminate a pregnancy are us:  our daughters, our mothers, our friends and co-workers, our neighbors.

It is easy to demonize someone you don't have to face, and for whom there is no name.  This is the time to stand up to the bullies and let them know we are not ashamed of who we are and how we have lived our lives.